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They Don’t Allow You to Have Bees in Here
Was traipsing down Olde Country Roade just now, when suddenly out of nowhere, God landed a bee on me. I carried it over the Meadowbrook Parkway before it finally flew off. I’m thinking the word’s gotten out that I’ve got The Goods. Like junkies flocking to their plug for a pollen fix. read more
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Our Lady of Hope
I enjoyed their Ash Wednesday service so much, I’ve decided to attend mass here until I have to go back into another mental institution. (Not for ThE VoIcEs this time, but because the especial agents over at Precision Painting Plus terrorized me, and then had me fired for calling the cops about it. I’m broke!) It’s a much shorter walk from the train station compared to St. Brigid’s, and I like the fact that they have both hymnals AND missals available. In Flushing, they just throw the bare lyrics (sans scales) up on a PowerPoint and expect everyone to sing… read more
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The Easter Bunny at the Menlo Park Mall Was More Convincing
It might seem like I’m on a religious crusade. Well, I am. After telepathically reconnecting with my soulmate in the astral plane back in August 2023, I once again succumbed to fear, doubt, and intrusive thoughts, as I had 20 years prior. In hindsight, I considered the possibilities that my latest breakdown was caused either by an irrational fear of being happy, lingering uncertainty, or feelings of inadequacy. I don’t think about it anymore. I’m satisfied to conclude it was altogether demonic, and our “wireless connectivity” is probably witchcraft.It wasn’t until the following Spring that I realized what the problem… read more
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The Infernal Patio Set
One day last year, whilst traipsing (or maybe scootin’) through “Eli”’s spooky little village/heckin’ cute hamlet, I passed by a lonely patio outside an abandoned store at the end of a ghostly strip mall known as, “Clocktower Place.” I would continue revisiting this strange locale whenever I crossed it on my daily journeys to deliver flowers and/or focaccia to “Eli,” who is definitely a man and in no way resembles a hotter, younger, half-Latina iteration of Alanis Morrissette. I believe this patio set is connected to something dark/demonic, as its existence violates the very laws of nature. These chairs are… read more
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a Crazy, Gap-Toothed Bastard
Me, unsure exactly how to proceed -VS.- Me, after ThE VoIcEs tell me to just keep bringing daisies to iCarly Place and indulging in non-sinful lust 4 mah waifu. I snapped those inside the lavatory at Ye Olde Vitamin Shoppe on Olde Country Road. Bought some Vitamin E to shove into my plague ear. It was less than half the price they wanted at GNC in the Bronx! Is it spooky BECAUSE you’re here or are you here because it’s espooky?? ❤️ read more
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3:10 to Yuma Waifu
You know what else feels eerily similar to 2005? This silence/disconnection, but from you, this time. My ghosting back then was a product of fear, exasperation, impatience, faithlessness, and doubt. So maybe you’re checking some or all of those boxes now, but I can tell you this – the remedy will always be putting faith in God first, above all. From there, I wouldn’t have been riddled with doubt. Obviously I was ruled by the world back then, or else we would have kept our child. Given your written missives last fall, I’m convinced you’re still ruled by the world.… read more
John 3:16 | Thanks Be to God.
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This is how it all started…
Twenty years ago, in 2002, I fell in love and never fell out. We reconciled in 2004. I broke off contact in 2005, because I was too selfish, afraid, and stupid to maintain a long-distance relationship. We ping’ed in 2019, with a full-blown reconnect in 2023. I was in the midst of a psychiatric/spiritual/existential crisis. She helped me. Seemingly scorned and misreading my mind over the astral plane, she then tried to hurt me for my follies & transgressions in the past, but God intervened. I love you, My Darling Eternal.
Grant Faber
Local Crazy Person